Courtship Story Part 3: The Long Adventure

(I apologize for the long delay in getting the final part published.)

Follow these links to read about our story leading up to this:

Part 1: It all begins
Part 2: The Courtship begins!

Several weeks after starting our courtship I left to go visit my grandparents in a different state for almost a month. This had been planned for quite some time before I knew I was going to be in a courtship and my emotions were quite mixed to leave and go stay with them! The weeks leading up to me leaving were filled with learning to open our hearts up to each other. By the time I left, we had already verbally told each other that we were committed to this courtship, and that, Lord willing, we would be married to each other. Some people were amazed that we could already know that, but we just did.

Some things we did together before I left were attending a wedding together where I was the pianist, going to a botanical garden with my family, and spending lots and lots of time just talking, both with my family and by ourselves.

While I was away, I spent most of my vacation money on pre paid long distance phone cards so I could call Sean! We also exchanged letters (which continued through the whole courtship) and they are so precious to me. I have them all tied in ribbon bundled away in my drawer. :)

When I returned home it was a bit awkward, getting used to being around each other again. We resumed our talks, and a tradition began. We would talk a few times throughout the week on the phone, and he would come over on Friday nights to my house and spend the evening there. Sean's parents had a curfew in their house that he had to be home at midnight, and many nights he made it home just in time. :) If my parents were tired and wanted to go to bed, my sister was wonderful and stayed up to act as a chaperon for us. The first few hours were normally spent talking with my entire family, and then we talked by ourselves for a few hours.

For the first six months we never held hands, put our arms around each other, etc. My mom told Sean that she trusted him, and that when he felt it was time that we could hold hands. We finally did start holding hands, but if we had known how much longer it was going to be before we were married it probably would have been best to wait even a little longer than we did. I am not a proponent of getting married and never having any sort of physical contact though. I know that can be strongly promoted by people who believe in courtship, but the real life examples I have seen where the couples had zero physical contact before marriage had some struggles that could have been easily avoided by simply starting to hold hands before marriage.

Sean was still in college and we were not sure what the future would hold. At times I got discouraged, wondering if it would be several more years before we could get married. Sean switched colleges, going from pursuing a graphic design degree to becoming a sign language interpreter. After a semester of pursing the sign language degree, he realized some issues in becoming certified in that field and decided to drop out of college.

We spent many hours talking about what he would do, and for some odd reason we came up with him being a cabinet maker. I laugh now thinking of the reasoning I gave him, "well Jesus was a carpenter, and it sounds so nice to have you work with your hands!" We were young for sure.

He was hired on at a local cabinet shop having no experience at all, and making hardly above minimum wage. After a few months he switched cabinet shops going to a shop in the city making just a little bit more money. I wondered when we would ever get married as it seemed like it would be quite awhile before he would be making enough for us to get married on. Thankfully he became extremely skilled at woodworking and even owned his own cabinet shop for several years, so it wasn't all for nothing.

Finally, when I least expected it Sean proposed. We had been courting for 16 months-more than enough time for us to know that we wanted to be married. It was on a Sunday evening, and he proposed as we were sitting on his Grandparents porch swing. :)

We had a very short engagement period of 2 months. My dress had already been sewn by my sister during a week long vacation she took from work a few months previously (she knew it was the only time off work she had for quite a while).  Somehow we pulled everything else together, making the bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dresses, and with the help of a good friend doing all of our own flower arrangements as well. The wedding was lovely-but what touched me the most was how many people said that the Spirit of God was present.

We had our first kiss in front of 200 people! I have never regretted that decision and I pray that my own children will make the same decision we did.

My  husband is such a blessing in my life, I tell him he is my rock. He is the one person I know that will not abandon me and will always be there for me if I need him. I am so grateful that we built a foundation of purity and trust in each before we were married.  

Joy in the Little Things

It only took a few minutes to prepare and yet it made my daughter's day.

Our two boys were off to a tractor show for the day, and just the girls were at home with mama and papa (my husband is self employed which is why he was home). I promised them a tea party for breakfast. After getting my boys out the door I quickly made some biscuit cinnamon rolls for breakfast. While they were cooking I pulled out our tea sets. The girls got to use my smaller tea pot which I filled with chocolate milk for them. My husband and I used the larger tea pot with orange juice. A nice tablecloth, some flowers I already had in a vase and tea cups quickly went on the table.

In 10 minutes I had a lovely table setting and some excited little girls. We gathered around the table and helped our three year old pour her chocolate milk into her tea cup. You could just sense her excitement over being a big girl and getting to use these lovely items.

Head over to Raising Homemakers to read the rest....

Scheduling & Routines: You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

I'm delighted to announce that we have a new contributing writer added to the blog! Erika Shupe blogs at Large Families On Purpose, and she is the mother of 9 children. I have learned a lot from her blog, so I'm thrilled that she agreed to share each month with you all here! ~ Caroline


You can’t have your cake and eat it too.  This is what we desire in life though, isn’t it.  *smile* To have the fruit of a well-disciplined life, yet to be whimsical and do whatever we want simultaneously and without accountability?  Well here’s how I faced the reality of this dilemma with parenting & marriage, and learned a great strategy for success – on purpose.

In 1997 I married the love of my life.  When Bob and I became parents however, and I was simultaneously learning about marriage and parenting, I began experiencing fear of my inadequacy and anticipation of failure in both areas.  I called a dear friend and said, “Help!”  She thrust into my eager and desperate hands a book called, Managers of Their Homes, by Steve & Teri Maxwell, a strong Christian couple with 8 children of their own.  It was life-changing for us, literally.  It gave scripture and wisdom for how to successfully approach my days with the children, which then freed me to be the wife I always wanted to be! 

My daily plan used to be my single-woman-without-children strategy, to make a long to-do list for myself and plow strait through it without having to consider anyone else.  *chuckle* Now as a wife and mother, however, I would end up brushing the children aside out of frustration most of the day while trying to accomplish my goals – not those which the Lord had put before me, but what I had put before myself.  I was expecting 28-hour days out of myself, and of course then failing.  Not only did the children not have my heart, but my poor husband had a wife who often did not smile, who was not enjoying life, who only saw the difficulties, and struggled greatly with depression.  Do not our expectations in life completely and hugely effect how we approach it?  As I’ve walked through the scheduling process step-by-step I’ve learned a far better plan, as have many, many other families we have recommended the book to. 

I did not know how to organize mine and my family’s time. And I was spinning way too many plates to do any of them well.  But I learned so much.  I learned why being in a regular schedule and routine is valuable, why it is scriptural, and how different families can apply these principles in their own home.  This understanding gave me great hope and determination to create a weekly plan that would be a blessing to my husband, to our children, and to my self.  I learned how to be proactive in planning our time instead of reactive; how to not let the urgent take place of the important.  I learned to have the freedom to live on purpose.

First, I took time to analyze all I was doing, all I desired to do, how to prioritize, and how to begin to puzzle together a balanced week for the children and myself Monday through Friday.  I did not presume to schedule my husband, but he was very supportive and excited about our new plans, and he chose to participate when he was home – activities after afternoon naps, during dinner time, bedtime routines, etc.  Now there was time for house cleaning, exercise, Bible study, enough sleep, a little reading or scrapbooking, and homeschooling the children. I had time to cook healthy meals, enjoy quality time sitting on the couch with my husband to talk while listening to music, and I could rest in the fact that all of the things I wasn’t doing at that very moment had a time scheduled for them to happen so didn’t need to worry about it.  And I no longer went to bed every night with many regrets, not being able to remember the last time I simply sat and read stories to our precious children.

Now keep in mind this transformation does not happen over night.  It takes time. With the first draft of a schedule I usually find that I did not allow enough time in certain places, and I need to go back in and create more realistic time frames.  Learning to create these schedules means the development of a new skill.

Sometimes our schedule lasts for many months without change, sometimes for only one month before we would need to make some adjustments.  For example the baby drops a nap and spaces his feedings out more, or the school year ends and summer begins.  I then spend a couple hours at the computer with the schedule template I made to create a new plan and then we’re rolling along again.  I make a hundred choices for our days in advance, and then I am able to rest in those decisions and go with the flow all week.  *smile* This frees up so much time and energy it’s really astounding. 

Both my self and our older children now can see from our schedule on the refrigerator what everyone is supposed to be doing at each time of day, and they swiftly memorize the routine and flow through it.  I can avoid planning two people to be on the computer simultaneously for example, avoid any one child having too much unoccupied time, make sure every one has done all of the most important things for them in their week, and make sure they have balanced time for work, school, play, serving, family, Bible, etc.  I can plan proactively what each person is doing when I need to feed the baby and make sure younger children are occupied with something specific instead of being free to disobey, requiring me to stop feeding the baby to discipline when necessary.  Here is an example of our family’s schedule last year when our twins were born: 

There are also many additional benefits to having a weekly schedule in place. If we go out of town for a weekend (very rarely) then having a plan in place which the children are used to is invaluable to my mother to step in to my shoes for that period of time. It’s also been invaluable when I’ve been on bed rest with a pregnancy and needing outside help in our home, or when we have a baby sitter who is facing managing 9 children while I’m gone. They know what to expect and what the children can and should be doing, for how long, when they'll need to eat, etc.  Or if Bob is managing all of the children if I am sick, things can still flow for him.

Now if you’re thinking of creating a family schedule, I’d like to tell you that there is much to be learned about the reasoning behind scheduling, and about how to fit a schedule to fit your particular family’s needs in order to be successful.  I really encourage people to buy the Managers of Their Homes book and learn for themselves. With the purchase of a new copy you will also have the benefit of participating in the Maxwell’s online help and ideas resources (if you purchase a used copy you would need to pay $10 extra to receive the online help when you need it). 

Blessings on your efforts!

Erika has been married to Bob for 14 years, and they co-author the blog LargeFamiliesOnPurpose together – Erika writes, and Bob is the editor, photographer, and blog technician. They live with their 9 children in the beautiful Skagit Valley of Washington, and are members of a family integrated, Independent Baptist church close to home. Through their blog, Erika aspires to bring hope, vision, and encouragement to others. If you'd like to read more on what their blog is about please read the Introduction in their blog’s Topics List.


** For an expanded, more detailed version of this post including more “how-to’s” **
Please go to Large Families On Purpose post entitled “Scheduling & Routines: You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too, Part 1 of 2.”

Recommended book:
Managers of Their Homes, Maxwell
You may also be interested in reading Erika’s posts:
Scheduling & Routines:  You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It, too, Part 2 of 2
Scheduling:  What To Do With Weekends

Scheduling for Fall - How I Create Our Schedules
Managing My Time

Announcing Love Around The Block Facebook Party!

Are you in need of some encouragement? Join The Modest Mom and five other blogs at our first ever Love Around The Block Facebook Party! 
Desiring to walk in biblical womanhood is a wonderful thing, but at times it can get lonely and discouraging as there is little support from the world. We want to inspire, encourage, and promote womanhood as God desires it to be lived out. 
The Facebook party will take place February 7th, starting at 8:00 P.M. EST. 
The topics will be: 
Love of HospitalityLoving Your HomeHomeschool LoveLoving Your ChildrenLoving the body of ChristLoving your Husband  
There will also be hundreds of dollars in prizes being given away at this party! Some of the prizes include a $100 gift card to Vision Forum, Doorpost products, Modest Mom gift certificate, Lilla Rose gift certificate, Handmade Soaps, A custom blog giveaway, and much more!! 
To check out more about the event, make sure to visit the Facebook page here, and "like" all the pages involved in the event to be present at the party! 
We hope to see you there! 

Resolutions As A Homemaker

Photo Credit

It's a new year! We're motivated! We're encouraged! 

But how do we keep it going? 

Only with the Lord. We can do nothing apart from Him. 

"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." John 15:5 

That's the real answer. The more practical, day to day answer? 

Vision 

Defined roles 

Encouragement 

Vision in homemaking is essential. "Where there is no vision the people perish." Proverbs 29:18 

We have to see value in our roles as homemakers or we'll quickly burnout. 

When we look at a sink full of dirty dishes, we won't see an opportunity to be a blessing to our families by serving. We'll see drudgery and endless work. It can't be overstated, vision is essential. 

Having a clearly defined role as a homemaker will also help us to keep going throughout the year. According to dictionary.com a homemaker is "a person who manages the household of his or her own family, especially as a principal occupation." 

I like better the definition of housewife: "a married woman who manages her own household, especially as her principal occupation." 

Housewife originated between 1175 and 1225. Homemaker wasn't coined until the late 19th century. 

Why all the emphasis on defining these terms? Because clear definitions of our roles will give us that much needed vision I spoke of above. It is our duty before God to present ourselves a living sacrifice to Him. 

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2 

Homemaking is an excellent and acceptable way to offer ourselves a living sacrifice to the Living God. 

Encouragement. Encouragement from others in our roles as homemakers can't be overestimated. 

Titus 2 tells us that the older women are to teach the younger women, that they are to be "...keepers at home." 

But you ask, "Where's my older Titus 2 woman?" Yes, I know, I know... (sigh) They are few and far between, to be sure. But the Lord doesn't just leave us to our own. And, when it seems like He has we must always remember that "all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 

There may be areas in homemaking that you're weak in. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Commit this new year to refocusing to work on those specific areas. Doing so will keep you motivated and encouraged! If you have daughters, teaching them new homemaking skills will also help to keep you going and your daughters will be learning as well. 

And, lastly, (last because this isn't the focus of my post) sometimes we can be ministered to and encouraged by others who are not in our local community. My heart is to encourage and my passion is homemaking. Late last year my family and I created a film, Homemaking 101. 

I want to offer this resource to you at a 25% discount. Just enter the code: TMM25 

You'll find instruction on basic homemaking skills, a few quick and easy recipes, homemaking tips and tons of encouragement! And!! Words of life from an older Titus 2 woman who shares wisdom throughout the film. 

I pray you will be blessed in your home throughout this new year! 

Weary not in well doing! 

Jennifer 

Jennifer is the cherished wife of a very visionary man, and a home schooling mother to almost a dozen children. Her deepest desire is to consistently love her husband and children, and to be a diligent and joyful keeper at home. Her favorite pastime is to encourage fellow housewives in their highest calling of wife and mother. When she’s not creating Homemaking DVDs, (www.familyvisionfilms.com) she can be found blogging at www.RenewingHousewives.com 

Resolutions As A Mother: Simply Begin

Susan Rios

Begin is such an important word. Are you dreaming about being a better mother and getting things done? It's so easy to dream, but a lot harder to do something.

I've learned a secret to accomplishing the thing you dream about doing. Simply begin. Begin

with that first step. In fact, nothing happens without that first step. 

And the people and princes of Gilead said one to another, What man is he that will begin to fight against the children of 

Ammon? he shall be head over all the inhabitants of Gilead. Judges 10:18

You might begin by writing a short list of mothering goals for the new year.

Keep it simple and realistic. It may look something like this:

5 Minutes in the Word. 

Busy moms must take time daily to spend it in God's word.

Without God's wisdom and revelation flowing richly throughout our busy lives, we are

easily spent. Even if it's 5 minutes - do it. 

Pray small prayers for your children throughout the day. 

Praying for our children is a powerful thing. You might pray while washing dishes or bathing a little one. You may be too tired at night to even speak, so I highly encourage you to take 

whatever moments are available throughout the day and pray.

Memorize or Meditate on God's Word.

I usually write out mothering affirmations on 3x5 index cards according to scripture and place them throughout my home. For example, "I am a virtuous woman and my children riseup and call be blessed." Proverbs 31.  It's so fortifying to speak and affirm God's desire for me as a mother.

Rest with your children. 

A mother's work is never done and we need time to rest during the day to refresh and regroup. Sit with your children for an hour and have them be quiet. Take this time to read or write that eBook you've been wanting to start, but haven't.

Do something you love to do. 

It might be a trip to the library where they offer free knitting, sewing, or writing classes. A stroll through the park or countryside is always calming and delightful. 

In your mothering you can behold the beauty of the Lord. As you abide in Him and look to Him, He will impart His grace to you in your time of need. He is the "God who is Enough" for every challenge and every situation.

Simply

begin.

Jasmine is the author and founder of  Far Above Rubies where she encourages women to embrace their highcalling as wives, mothers, and homemakers. Mom enjoys being home with her family where she is free to teach and learn along side of her husband and children. 

 You can also find Jasmine writing monthly articles for Raising Homemakers in hopes of further encouraging women to grow and learn how to run a household for the glory of God.

Resolutions As A Christian

Credit

This starts a series of posts for the month of January on Resolutions. I'm thrilled to have a number of guest posts lined up to write this excellent series, and I hope you will be encouraged and uplifted by what will be shared. 

The series will include:

Resolutions On

Christian Living

 Wife

 Mother

Homeschooling

Budgeting

Time Management 

Homemaker

Resolutions abound at this time of year.

Many of us will plan on losing weight and getting more exercise.

Others of us will have a resolution to get up earlier or form a new discipline in our life.

Some of us have financial resolutions, others have relationship resolutions.


These are all good things to attend to. The new year is a time for renewal, re-evalution and revamping.

But let's not forget the most important thing that we must attend to...our soul and the souls of our children.

You see, We can have our finances in order...

We can lose weight, eat healthier and exercise regularily...

We can have good relationships...

we can dress modestly...

We can have a large family...

We can be outwardly godly women...

We can even make our own bread and homeschool our children...

We can have our homes tidy and orderly...

We can be the most disciplined women in the world...

But, if our souls are not flourishing...if we are hoping to gain God's approval by these things...

If we make these things righteousness...

if we get caught up in these things and miss Christ...

it is all in vain!

The things listed above are excellent things, and building up our homes, even in the outward things are so important...

But, being a godly woman begins at the root of a relationship, a living, loving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. It begins with repentance and looking to His righteousness as our only hope.

And our souls cannot live on autopilot. They easily languish and wilt.

I would offer you a few things to practically to help focus on your soul this January as you step back and assess your life.

• Establish a daily time in the scriptures, with just you and the Lord. Find the time that fits you best, whether that is before the children are up, at naptime or even in the night. I have found that I can get my children going in their daily responsibilities and retire for a bit mid to late morning. Sometimes a child will join me, and read their own Bible at this time, or quietly play on the floor. I must admit, the interruptions may be many, but the children see that each day Mommy is making a priority to read God's word.

• Read short passages in a godly commentary which will help you understand clearer different passages. Our family favorite is the Matthew Henry Commentary.

• Do not neglect prayer. Let's face it, it is easier to read than pray, but we must seek to pour out our hearts to the Lord, meditating on His excellencies and petitioning Him for grace for the day, as well as the needs of others.

• Consider the duty of Family Worship, ideally with your husband leading, but even when he is not home, gather your little ones around you and daily seek God together.

• Diligently attend upon the public means of grace, the meeting together in God's house to feed upon His word. Don't be satisfied with baby food...but find a church home where you are feasting and drawing in deeply of Christ each week. It is easy with the fatigue of the week, and busyness of our lives to be tempted to sleep in and skip church, but make weekly worship a priority!

• Keep the whole Lord's Day unto Him. He has given us one day in seven to rest and seek His face, use it wisely for the edification of your soul. On my blog I have posted an article called 10 Ways to Prepare for the Lord's Day. Too often we attend church and then spend the rest of the day doing our own pleasures, but He has given us an entire day to wait upon Him. You are freed from the weekly cares of the other days, it is a gift for you!

• As you are able to, listen to edifying sermons in your home. Resources like Sermon Audio are so wonderful!

• Ask your husband or a close friend what your blind spots might be, and enlist their help in prayer over those areas.

• Take a good look at your priorities. Make sure you are not so busy serving and doing for Christ and forgetting to sit quietly at His feet and truly know HIM.

In a flight emergency situation the instructions are always to attend to yourself first, then those around you. To put the oxygen on yourself before your children. This is not selfish, this is loving your family.

If mama is not walking close with the Lord, the whole family will suffer.

If we are so busy with the externals of running our homes and neglect a close walk with the Messiah we have failed.

I will close with a couple of Resolutions that Jonathan Edwards made...I would encourage you to head over and read the entire list...

48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
52. I frequently hear persons in old age, say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
May each one of us walk closer to Jesus in 2012 as we are one more year closer to eternity!

Jenny is an ordinary mom with an extraordinary God. Following a beautiful courtship, she has been married to her best friend for over 16 years. Jenny homeschools her 7 children (ages 14-9mo). When she is not teaching, playing with her children, or changing diapers, she loves to sing, write, blog and clean...yes, clean. As a recovering OCD perfectionist and "neat freak" she still has unmatched socks, messy closets and is allergic to mornings. Jenny is also the author of the ebook Embracing the Mess. Come and be encouraged, blessed and challenged in your high calling as a wife and mother over at A Mother's Heritage. You may also follow her on Facebook, or Twitter.

From Financial Ruin to The Cross

Credit

Lying there in a musty old black trunk the faded news clipping grabbed my attention. The year on the paper was 1927 and the story was heartbreaking. A farming comminuty in Iowa was shocked when a well to do citizen was reported to have ended his own life. His only child, at the age of 14, had been the one to discover the loss of his father. 


The apparent cause?


 Financial ruin. 


Though the stock market crash of 1929 was yet to come, times were tough in Iowa. This man had to close the communities bank and other businesses he owned. All he had worked and hoped for was suddenly gone. His answer was to end life in despair. 
 
It was 72 years later as I read this article. Tears rushed to my eyes thinking of that 14 year old boy. The days ahead in his life I could now understand more fully. That 14 year old was my Great-Grandpa. It was just days after Christmas, a new year had begun in 1999. My Grandpa had just died after a battle with bone cancer and it was time to begin cleaning out his home. Kneeling there in front of that trunk my mind went back over my Grandpa's life and the things I had never understood about him. 
 
I knew my Grandpa had gone through the Great Depression with his mother, being very poor though she tried to make ends meet. As I grew up I knew Grandpa valued money and held tightly to it. It was very important to him. He wanted to hold on to it and not let it go. I had never in my life known a man who could scrimp and save like Grandpa. This was a man who would duck tape his shoes together when they started unraveling! The list of things Grandpa would do to save money seemed endless. This attitude came with a price in his life. That being a huge portion of his life, to hoard his money, gave him no peace or joy, simply constant worry.
 
After Grandpa's cancer was so advanced he could not live alone, he came to live with our family. As we took care of him I had the chance to have many conversations with him. He shared stories of his life, music he had loved, songs he had sung. Some of these conversations turned to God and the meaning of life. Grandpa had faithfully attended church for years, he knew the message of putting your trust in Jesus Christ. Still Grandpa was convinced his security was the money in his bank. He really seemed sure in someway he could take it to heaven with him. 


The days turned to the winter season and it was clear Grandpa's time here on earth was coming to an end. The conversations gew in length and seriousness. One day Mark 8:39 came up, "For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" Reality came to Grandpa as we talked that Christmas season. This was it. The life he had lived and the purpose of his life was coming to and end. His money could not buy the only thing he could take with him, eternal life. It was a free gift, given in love, from the Son of God who paid the price with His own life. Then Grandpa found peace in the priceless gift of Christ. He was set free from clinging to the things of this world.


 May Christ also bless you with the knowledge of His Redeeming love this Christmas season.

~This was written by my sister Jennifer.~ 

Mothering through dreary days

I was a young mother of 21. After a long and difficult pregnancy, our second son was born being welcomed into the world by his older brother who was a few weeks away from turning two. Life was busy and it should have been a very happy time in my life. I had dreamed of marriage and children all my life and here it was all coming to pass.

As I was conversing with Israel (our second son) last night, he was asking questions about when he was a baby. And my mind flashed back to what life was really like.

 It was anything but roses.

I was suffering from adrenal gland fatigue-something most people around me had never even heard of. I simply had the tired mother look, but nothing to make people aware of the fact that inside I was crumbling. The fatigue was so overwhelming, there were days I didn't know how I could make it until my husband arrived home. Almost every night I would be in bed around 8:00 nursing Israel to sleep so I could go to bed, while my husband put our oldest son to bed.

Life did not look pretty. My memories of Israel as a baby are blurred. I honestly remember more of the exhaustion, the depressed feelings that came from being so tired, and wondering if life would ever be normal again. Israel spit up pretty bad as a baby, and there was spit up that sat dried and crusted on our dresser for over a year, because I was too exhausted to clean it up. The bare essentials were done and nothing more around our house.

Six years later I now have more energy as a mother of almost five than I did as a mother of two. Life does not look nearly so dreary and exhausting-though I still have my days of feeling overwhelmed as I think every mother does! Occasionally, some symptoms of adrenal problems will creep up, as it takes a lot to be totally healed of low adrenals. There are still certain chores I put off doing, such as getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing my floors as it wears me out. But overall I am content with the energy I do have-as I know what life could be like if I had never improved. 

Mothering through dreary days, whether it is physical health or traumatic family problems is taxing. Trying to keep a smile on your face when all you want is a nap and a good cry is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I learned that the Lord gives grace, and He truly never does give us more trials than what we can handle.

If you are a mother who can relate to this post - you are exhausted inside whether physically or emotionally, I encourage you to just keep going. Get through today only and try not to think about tomorrow. The Lord will give you the strength to endure and many times the situation you are in will get better. Be determined to press on through your trial, looking to our Lord for the perseverance you need. My deep convictions and hopes in being a godly mother and wife helped get me through when I felt I couldn't go on. I knew I didn't have a choice. We only have two paths before us-we can endure or give up. No one wants to give up, and if you are holding a baby in your arms the results of giving up are unthinkable. 


"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my doings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God; many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

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The luster of Christmas

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As we reflect on Christ's birth this month, I can't help but rejoice in the miracle of his whole life. Think about it for a moment-

If He did not come as a helpless babe to this world, there would never have been a death. 

If He had not spent His life teaching mankind, there would never have been the New Testament. 

If He had not died on the cross for our sins, there would never have been a Savior for all mankind. 

This Christmas season let us rejoice in Jesus's birth and death. He came as a lowly, humble baby to be loved by his parents, only to grow up to be mocked, scorned, and spat upon by the very people He came to save. The fullness of the beauty of Christmas is not found alone in the birth of the Son of God. It is Christ's death and victory over death that adds a luster to the remembrance of his birth that it could never enjoy otherwise.

What a Savior. 

What a Redeemer. 

Mothering isn't for quitters...

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I think we all understand that there can be issues with training children to sit still in church. Some children pick up on it easily, while other children are prone to wiggle and squirm every waking minute - whether they're in church or out.

We are blessed with four children 8 and under. Our oldest generally does well in church, but our other three (just turned 6 year old, 3 year old, and soon to be 2 year old) still struggle with sitting still. We've tried various things, like bringing a bag just for them with coloring books, felt books, etc. but found that it just made a mess and was very distracting. We sometimes allow them to draw on a piece of paper, but in general we really try hard to have them sit quietly and listen, with only an occasional book to look at.

That's the goal anyway.

This last Sunday was rather interesting. My husband was very involved in both church services we had so he wasn't able to sit with me. I had planned on him being with me to help for the second service but he ended up being busy again. Being in my third trimester I'm quickly losing my lap to my swollen tummy, making it difficult to have my squirmy little one(s) sit on my lap.

When I saw my husband was going to be busy for the second church service as well I have to admit I fought back tears. I wanted to give in to self pity. I was tired, hungry, and touched out. All I wanted was to have my husband sit down and take over so I could go eat something and have a minute to myself.

I looked at my children, and decided that I'd better wrestle through my feelings. I've determined that it's better to smile at my children even when I don't really feel like it, because it helps me get to the point where I actually do want to smile at them. So out came the smile, an arm around my squirmy six year old, and I braced myself to hold my youngest on what's left of my lap!

You know what? I ended up admitting defeat. I left my oldest to listen to the church service and decided I'd better listen to my tummy grumbling and go eat a protein snack (I struggle with low blood sugar especially while pregnant so I have to eat a lot of snacks). I took my three youngest children with me downstairs and had them sit on chairs. A friend ended up coming down with her children, and between my children wanting to snack with me and seeing little friends down there also, all my child training fell apart right before my eyes. They didn't sit still at all and I really didn't have it in me to make them.

They had a privilege taken away (the two middle children, the youngest is still not old enough to comprehend) and I talked to them afterwards about the fact that they didn't sit still very well.

So why am I sharing this on my blog? Because life isn't perfect. We all have ideals and goals for mothering our children, but at times we have to admit defeat on some of these little areas and not give ourselves a complex over it. The experience at church has made me more determined to work at home on sitting still - no, I haven't given up on the hope that one day that will happen. Now I know full well that not every outing with our children will be perfect; some days we will (or at least I will) end the day in tears wondering how we can wake up the next day and do it all over again.

But we do, and we will.

By the grace of God that is.

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute we make it through. The sticky fingers, the constant questions, the messes that never end, the temper tantrum we thought that child had outgrown - we endure and persevere. We have hope for a better thing. We see an end in sight for our child and as mothers we are determined to make it to that goal. Giving up and admitting defeat means terrible consequences for our children so it's just not an option.

If you are struggling through a difficult time mothering your children-don't give up! I have many, many areas I need to work on as a mother but I'm determined to keep going. God has richly blessed me with four (almost five) very unique children. I'm still in awe sometimes that I get to be the one responsible (with my husband of course!) of raising these children, of finding their hearts and keeping them close to me until it's time to let go.

Is it exhausting? Yes. Without a doubt. Sometimes so very exhausting.

Would I have started this mothering adventure if I had known what it was really going to be like?

Absolutely.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

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I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving! 

Today is about so much more than eating a good meal and gathering with family. I pray we can remember all that we are truly grateful for, and who has so abundantly blessed us. Our God is so good and merciful to us! 

The Modest Mom is hoping to bless your family through a special sale on Cyber Monday! To learn how you can actually earn free products, go here to read more about our one day sale coming up soon! 

Finally, if you have any special young ladies in your life you won't want to miss Vision Forum's special that is today only! 

You can purchase Joyfully at Home for just $4.50, which is a huge savings of 75% off! Also remember that the buy 2 get one free deal is still going on! 

Thanking God For His Blessings...

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Today I'm thankful for my godly upbringing, and that I was given godly instruction and counsel and my paths were always lovingly pointed to my Savior. I would not be where I am today without a faithful mother who diligently gave of herself to raise me up. Or a father who worked hard so my mom could stay at home with us to teach us.

I'm thankful for my husband who is quick to show mercy to his wife, and gives me support in days when I'm exhausted and frazzled. His wisdom never ceases to amaze me, and his devotion for his children gives me great peace. I know many ladies long for husband's who will be more involved in family life, so I do not take what I have lightly.

I'm thankful for four beautiful children who fill my days with sounds of Indian war cries, questions that never end, hysterical statements that make me chuckle, and yes, even the noise that four young children bring because it means they are strong and healthy. I'm thankful for the ways I've matured since having children-being a mother is much more intense and emotionally and spiritually draining than I ever anticipated, but it brings me to my knees which in no way is a bad thing.

I'm thankful for my aching back, swollen feet, and blood sugar that dips low all the time. It means our baby is alive and growing in my womb! The movement at midnight that keeps me up, the kicks that are strong enough to take my breath away - these are precious to me.

I'm thankful for a messy house, laundry that never seems to be caught up on, and dirty dishes that abound. Dirt Smudges on the white trim, and yes - even the bathroom that smells from little boys using it all the time. : ) It means we live in this house. It is our home - a place where activity is constantly taking place and that we dwell here as a family.

For self employment ups and downs - having hardly ever known a constant guaranteed paycheck since being married, I am thankful. It means I have not discouraged my husband from his dreams in being self employed even though my fear of the unknown has tempted me to do so at times. The memories we have already created as a family are priceless.  Being at the cabinet shop at midnight (especially around the holidays) and stories of mowers almost going in the pond or ditches are aplenty also. While I didn't grow up in an entrepreneurial type family I'm thankful I have caught the spirit and now actually love it!

For the freedom that we have in this land-Praise God! We can worship where we choose, teach our children as we feel led, and still have a vote in who runs this country. While there is cause for much mourning because of the state of our country I'm still thankful for the liberties we do have. They are abundant compared to other countries!

Finally, I'm thankful for all of you-my wonderful blog readers. You continue to amaze me by coming back here to read this little blog. I feel totally inadequate when it comes to writing but I have a heart to share about femininity and modesty so I press on. Thank you for all the encouraging comments and emails!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! 

Choosing joy through trials

There is more cause for joy than for complaint in the hard and disagreeable circumstances of life. 

Browning said, "I count life just a stuff to try the souls strength on." Spell the world "discipline" with a 

final g, - "discipling." We are here to learn time's lesson for eternity's business. What does it signify if the

circumstances about us are not of our choice, if by them we can be trained, learning the lessons of 

patience, fortitude, perseverance, self-denying service, acquiescence with God's will, and the hearty 

doing of it? Circumstances do not make character. The noblest character can emerge from the worst 

surroundings, and the moral failures come out of the best. Just where you are, take the things of life as 

tools, and use them for God's glory; so you will help the kingdom come, and the master will use the 

things of life in cutting and polishing you so that there shall some day be seen in you a soul conformed to 

His likeness. 

      Maltbie Davenport Babcock

Taken from the book "Streams In The Desert 2" by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman. 

I read this last night before going to bed, and it encouraged me! I'm busily scurrying around trying to get a huge list done before our baby comes, and last night it was pretty discouraging how much there still was to do. I was irritable and weepy, but reading this reminded me to take joy in all things!

31 Days of Femininity: Being Feminine In Public

We have covered a lot of different topics concerning femininity this past month! I've really enjoyed doing the series, but I have to admit I'm really looking forward to not blogging *every* single day in November. :) I have a lot of exciting giveaways and a fun new topic planned for November, so stay tuned!

I wanted to wrap up the series by talking about being feminine in public. It can be easy to learn how to be feminine at home, but sometimes it's harder to apply these principles when we are out and about.

There have been many times I have been blessed by seeing a woman in a store who, just by her demeanor and appearance, instantly strikes me as being a feminine woman. It encourages me and uplifts my sometimes draining shopping trips to see another woman striving to be who she is called by God to be.

I've realized that at times it is hard for me to be feminine when I am out. Going shopping with four young children can be exhausting, and I have to put on a strong mental attitude before I go out! Plus, I prepare myself for all the comments that come my way - "Are these all yours?"  "My, you must have your hands full!"  "You are expecting again? Oh my!" and the list could go on. There have been times an older gentleman has offered to help me load up my groceries, put away my cart, etc. and while I have certainly accepted these offers many times, I have been known to refuse the help also and tell him I am just fine. During those moments I recognize that I don't have a feminine attitude, but more of a feminist attitude. I'm trying to prove that I have it all together and I don't need any help. I personally think that's the wrong attitude to have. If a gentleman is trying to help you out of the kindness of his heart, let him be that manly gentleman and accept his help! Obviously you need to be discerning in today's world and make sure that the help you are accepting is just from a gallant knight, and he does not have any other motives in mind. I hate to even mention that, but it is sadly the world we live in today.

It is also perfectly acceptable to let a gentleman open a door for you, and you graciously accept his gesture of gallant manhood. I notice that I get the door opened for me far more when I am in skirts than the few times I have gone out in pants. Just a little observation of mine....

Being feminine in public is a mindset. It is a determination before you step out your door in the morning that you are going to put on a meek and quiet spirit and try to witness to others about the Lord through your example. This brings to mind the following quote. Not that words do not matter, for they certain do; but sometimes...

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We might very well say that we believe in being feminine, and we might say we are a follower of the Lord, but our actions speak louder than words. How we behave in public clearly shows what kind of person we are. I have deeply regretted the times I have been in public and spoken crossly to my children when I was tired, only to look up and see someone watching me. That was my only opportunity to show them that I do enjoy being a mother to a larger than normal family, but I wasn't showing it at that moment. And of course I regret it because I'm not showing my child that attitude of a meek spirit in their mother.

As I close this series out, I would just exhort you to continue to display Godly femininity no matter where you are, whether it is in your home with your children, spending time with your husband, or out in public.