Tuesday, October 11, 2011

31 Days of femininity: A wife is feminine in her apparel

This is a tricky post to write, as every husband is different in how they want their wife to look. So I'll try to write in general terms.

There are two different types of femininity in how we dress. There is the sexual feminine, who dresses in extremely tight, low cut revealing tops, hip hugging jeans which hug every curve on her body, makeup heavily applied and an extremely fashionable hairstyle. No one can deny she is a female, the clothes she wears makes it obvious for everyone to see that! My heart goes out to ladies who don't know any better than to dress this way-especially the young girls who don this attire to mimic the latest movie star, or worst yet-their mother.

Then there is the classic feminine look, whether the female is in a pair of looser fitting pants and a nice blouse, a long skirt and top with a scarf thrown around her neck for an extra added touch, or a nice dress that fits her just so, not to tight and not to baggy. Her countenance is pleasant, with a cheery smile for those she is around, adding to her feminine look.

Finally, there are women who dress in such a way that you wonder if they even want to be a female. Their hair is cut to look like a man's, and the shirt they wear with their jeans is so manly and loose on them, you honestly can't tell by their figure from a distance what gender they really are.

Like I said, every husband is different. How your husband wants you to dress might vary from how my husband likes me to dress. Unless your husband is asking you to dress provocatly, as described in the sexual feminine, try to adorn yourself in such a way that will please him. You do need to remember that while we seek to please our husband in all we do, we also seek to please our Heavenly Father. There does come a point where you are within your rights as a Christian to say no to your husband if he is asking you to dress in such a manner that would be terribly offensive to God.

I frequently get emails from ladies asking my advice in a certain situation. It normally is along the lines of: "I really want to wear skirts, I think it is more feminine and modest but my husband just doesn't like seeing me in skirts. What should I do?"

To those ladies, my heart goes out to you. It is a difficult situation to be in. But honestly, as much I love to see ladies wearing skirts, it's not so important to ruin a marriage over this issue. Maybe you could ask your husband if you could compromise, and wear skirts when you are out alone running errands, and just a few days a week. If you are out with your husband on a date or running errands with him, slip the jeans and sweet top on to please him. My guess is if your husband likes seeing you in jeans, he prefers a more modern look. So make sure the skirts or dresses you have are modestly up to date (here is an example of a cute modern, but modest skirt), and you don't look like you just stepped out of the mid 1800's. Other men may prefer a long flowing prairie skirt, but don't feel like that is the only way to dress modestly. My husband personally does not prefer the prairie look, and wants me to look modern yet very modest.

The rule of thumb here? Ask your husband his opinion on clothes, and not just your best friends.

Regardless of how your husband prefers you to dress, it is important to keep your heart focused on being feminine. Don't fall for the lies that are prevalent today which whisper that we are the same as men, and therefore need to look so. Conducting yourself as a lady, and dressing to look like a lady are not signs of weakness, but rather of great strength as you feel confident in who you are - a daughter of the King!

What if your husband has no opinion at all? Be grateful that he does not care what you wear and seek to please God in how you dress! You are free then to follow the dictates of your heart if your husband truly does not care. 

Finally, remember that our husband is bombarded all day long working out in the world. He is met with many images that he must resist, and many female attitudes that are wrong. As he walks in the door at night, what a refreshing sight it must be for him to be greeted by a wife who looks radiant in her spirit and looks.

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At October 11, 2011 at 8:01 AM , Blogger Mrs. Grievous said...

I would love to wear skirts more often, but I freeze to death (I think I have poor circulation in my legs). Do you have any posts on this topic?

At October 11, 2011 at 8:04 AM , Blogger Caroline @ The Modest Mom said...

I'm going to be writing a post on staying warm during the winter time very soon!

At October 11, 2011 at 8:27 AM , Blogger Rebecca said...

i'm so glad you wrote about this!! especially the part on listening to society. i know i struggle with that a lot. i also think you made a great point when talking about how we should follow what our husbands like. i know mine switches his opinion almost everyday on whether he likes skirts or pants more. lol :-)

At October 11, 2011 at 8:53 AM , Anonymous deborah said...

I read a description I like very well from Nancy Leigh DeMoss. "Fitted enough to be feminine, but loose enough to be a lady". I really like your post and how you approached it with grace and didn't infer that there is only one way a woman can dress and be feminine. I also appreciate your wisdom on dressing for your husband.

At October 11, 2011 at 8:57 AM , Blogger Jillian said...

Wonderful, wonderful advice! : ) Couldn't agree more!

A Joyful day to you : )

At October 11, 2011 at 9:37 AM , Anonymous karen b said...

I where dresses everyday because our fellowship perfers it so. we have an uniform that is very modest so that is helpful in dressing that way. to mrs grievious find some nice leggings to wear underneath your skirt or dress & they will help keep you warm:) trust me if I don't in the winter I freeze also:)I enjoy dressing this way & my husband has never minded either because he likes me being modest.

At October 11, 2011 at 11:16 AM , Blogger Mary Joy said...


You handled this subject beautifully!

And thanks to your series last Spring, I have found a pair of leggings and a pair of long underwear pants to wear under my skirts this winter. Thanks for that great advise! They are so comfy underneath and you can't see them from the outside...which blesses me because this is my first winter wearing modest longer skirts only. My husband is loving it! :D I had no idea how happy switching would make him. But I am glad to be able to bless him and now I am loving it too!


Mrs Mary Joy Pershing

At October 11, 2011 at 12:51 PM , Blogger Jennifer said...

I am fortunate. My husband doesn't have a preference as long as I don't wear shapeless t-shirts. He prefers that I take time to fix my hair and occasionally wear simple makeup (though I'm sure he'd prefer that more often than not). I mentioned recently that I'd like to start wearing skirts more often and he perked up and asked "To look pretty for me?" So without coming out and saying he'd prefer me to dress more "ladylike" he did make his preference known.

Last month we had a few lessons on women's roles in the church, and one thing our preacher mentioned when discussing modesty is that we are to dress modestly to avoid drawing attention to ourselves, and if we radically change the way we currently dress in an attempt to be more "modest" sometimes even if the clothing is less provocative, it acts to draw more attention to us than just dressing in our normal (expected) way. Now I did not take from the message that I should not attempt to be more feminine, but that if I am going to do so, it might need to be a gradual change.

At October 11, 2011 at 1:06 PM , Blogger Tina said...

I too am sad for those who dress to show off their female body. We were at a volleyball game last night for our church's school. There was a young girl there of about 20 that was dressed very inappropriately. I was embarrassed and felt bad for her that she thought she had to dress that way. I was glad my son is not old enough to notice.

My husband is one that does not prefer pants or skirts. But he teaches at a public school and what he sees is awful. I try to look good when he gets home so he does not see a ragged looked mom. When I do where skirts and go out to run errands. People ask me why I am so dressed up. They don't know comfy I am!!

At October 11, 2011 at 8:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very well said! My husband personally prefers jeans over skirts, but I do my best to wear modest and feminine clothes. I think the subject of feminine, modest clothing needs to be talked about a lot more often! Sadly, many Christian women today tend to look and act no differently than the world. We are to be set apart, as the Bible says. :)

At October 12, 2011 at 12:22 PM , Blogger Farmer's Wyfe said...

LOVE your perspective on this!

At October 18, 2011 at 5:11 AM , Blogger Colleen said...

You are such a lovely person, that just shines through your words! Thank you for this encouragement!


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