Monday, July 25, 2011

Are You A Frumpy Or Fabulous Wife?



Remember the days when we were courting/dating our husbands? The time we would spend in front of the mirror before he came over, making sure every speck of our hair was put together and that our outfit was just right?

We took such pains because we wanted to please him. His compliments (the seal of his approval) over our appearance were important to us.

Do we still do that? Do we still seek to win the seal of his approval?

Once you said "I Do" and the first baby came, did all thought of dressing nice vanish behind a flurry of spit rags, dirty diapers, and midnight feedings?

Just because modesty is important to us, that gives us no excuse as wives to let ourselves go. I've seen many beautiful, well kept, radiant women who are completely modest. As such, I'm sure they are a joy for their husbands to behold.

Beautiful. Well kept. Radiant. Are these the words your husband would employ in complimenting your appearance today? Or would it go sound more like, "Well, at least she's modest."

Well, that's nice and all, but I'm sure that's not quite as thrilling to your ears than if he were to comment on your appearance by saying, "You look radiant today." Suddenly, you feel like you're courting all over again : )

Shortly after we were married my husband and I went through what we now call our "radical stage" of married life :) We jumped head first with great zeal into every aspect of "Godly Christian Living", at least what we thought it to be. Since then much of our perspective has changed, but our basic principles of modesty, homeschooling, and a close knit family has not. It just looks different now.

At that point in our lives I wore a head covering. Most of them were ones that I sewed myself. It's hard to find a pattern for head coverings (at least it was back then when we didn't have internet). I made myself a head covering that was supposed to look like a snood. All of my hair was pulled up into it. The only problem was that it never looked centered on my head. Some days it would look terribly cock eyed and off center. The pictures taken of me back then are painful to look at now, because I remember my attitude about it was "I'm not supposed to care about such things - how I look and all."

How wrong I was! Even if you wear a cape dress and a head covering out of conviction, there is still a right and a wrong way to present yourself for your husband's pleasure.

When I'm pregnant I always struggle with acne due to hormones. I've really had to remember to stay on top of using my facial products I have. Yes, it does take more time, but it's important!

Every husband wants their wife to dress a certain way, and I'm not here to dictate or give suggestions as to what that might be. But ask yourself, do you try to follow it? Do the desires of your husband determine to any degree the clothes you wear, the jewelery you put on, the amount of makeup that is on your face?

My husband has made quite a few comments since I cut my hair that he likes me better without bangs. Now he wasn't demanding I grow my bangs out, and he even didn't come right out and ask me to grow out my bangs. I prefer to have bangs, but recently just decided that there was no harm in growing out my bangs. I want to give my husband pleasure in how I look. If something as simple as growing out my bangs will give him pleasure, why not do it?

Now by writing this I'm not saying to give up all of your own tastes and preferences. My husband has certain colors he likes to see on me, and I have my own colors I like to wear, so I compromise and have both colors in my wardrobe :)

This coming week, may I invite you to join me in making a conscious effort to look tidy and well kept - even radiant - when our husbands come home? No pajamas on when he walks through the door ladies! If you have an extra five minutes, curl your hair in the morning, or put on that perfume he likes. If your dress needs ironed, make sure you do that before putting it on! It's so easy to slip into survival mode as wives, and forget about our appearance.

I'll do a blog post on Friday to see how everyone did, and even add a linky if you want to blog about how you did and link up!





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32 Comments:

At July 25, 2011 at 8:55 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

Well said, Caroline!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 9:22 AM , Blogger Mrs. Contreras said...

I came to the realization that I had let myself go into full Mommy Mode about 2 years ago. As a stay at home Mommy to 4 beautiful children, I honestly didn't care what I looked like. There were times when my husband would come home from work and I would look like I'd been wrestling; hair wild, clothes spotted and wrinkled, and a general look of "I'm ready for sleep now." After 13 years of marriage, I understood that my husband deserved more than that. I started taking more time to look nice. When he said the shirt or dress I was wearing looked like a tent, I'd search the clearance racks to try to find something modest yet appealing. Now I try to take a few minutes when he's due home to do a look over in front of the mirror. I'll adjust my clothes, wash my face, straighten or adjust my frizzy curly hair, and what ever else I see that needs doing. I LOVE to see that look in his eyes when he walks in and I look nice. I want his co-workers to see me and say Wow instead of man, she looks like a tired mother of 4. I know that what they think of me effects him. This is not a vanity issue with me, but a pleasing him issue.
I think this blog post is spot on and something I wish I could have read 10 years ago. Thank you!!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 9:44 AM , Blogger Kelly Howard said...

I am GUILTY as charged! After 28+ years, I have become slack in my appearance. Oh, how I love that June Cleaver look! Even if it's not entirely realistic, why now TRY to be closer to that instead of looking 'thrown away' most of the time! THANKS for the wake-up call!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 9:46 AM , Blogger Rachel E. said...

A very good post! Thanks for sharing. You are so right about it all. Song of Solomon talks about how beautiful she always was for him. He always found her pleasant to gaze upon. We should be pleased to have husbands who desire to call us beautiful.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 10:02 AM , Blogger ~Heather said...

I read a similar challenge a while back and do my best to make sure that I look good for my husband each day. There have been days that I don't get to shower or dress until half an hour before he gets home, but at least I look good for him!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 10:10 AM , Blogger Kari said...

I would definitively link up and post about this. I have a lot to say about it from my own experience.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 10:23 AM , Blogger Mrs Mary Joy Pershing said...

So so true! Thanks for the great reminder! So important to talk with our husbands about their preferences...I found out a couple of months ago that my husband prefers me with a clean and natural face instead of wearing makeup. I was so surprised because I wore makeup all the time when we were courting...he explained that makeup is fine as long as its worn in a very natural way...so that I don't look painted. Good information! And made my life so much easier!! :D

Mrs Mary Joy Pershing

 
At July 25, 2011 at 10:33 AM , Blogger Jessica said...

Ok - I've been convicted.
I'm in that early pregnancy nausea, vomitting, heartburn, tired all the time yuckiness and on a good day I might have had a shower by the time my husband gets home. I think I might even occasionally have my hair pulled back into pony, but usually only if my 10-month old has been pulling it. I haven't touched my makeup case in at least a week, and I wear the one skirt that still fits every day (its amazing how fast your abdominal muscles "give up" when you are having your second pregnancy in less than a year :-).
Anyway, thanks for posting this much-needed reminder. Perhaps I'll even dig out my maternity skirts this afternoon just so I can be wearing something different when he gets home today!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 11:31 AM , Blogger Mama Chocolate said...

Thanks for this reminder! I struggle to keep my appearance in mind, and I know it means a lot to my husband!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM , Blogger OrangeBlossom said...

Again, another great post. I've also found that a few simple appearance fixes before hubby comes home gives the impression to him that I've been thinking about him during the day. I feel that it's helped with the transition from work to home.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 1:15 PM , Anonymous Far Above Rubies said...

Excellent, Caroline.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 1:18 PM , Blogger momato6sofar said...

I needed this so much! I have really been thinking about this lately.

Maudie

 
At July 25, 2011 at 2:21 PM , Blogger Renee said...

Thank you for writing this post! It was a good reminder to me to be looking as good as I can for my hun, instead of looking lazily modest. :)

 
At July 25, 2011 at 4:17 PM , Anonymous Anne S. said...

You're right, Caroline.

The outward adornment of a woman shows not just modesty; it also demonstrates good stewardship of the physical body we've been given and it proves a desire to be pleasing and satisfying to our husband.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 6:08 PM , Blogger Raising Mighty Arrows said...

Great post Caroline! I try daily to make sure I am presentable when my husband arrives home from work. BUT, I will also admit that it was a struggle when our toddlers were babies.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 7:06 PM , Blogger Don and Shelly said...

Caroline, thank you for this post. Whether we're willing to admit it or not, the world is out to steal our husbands' eyes, minds and hearts from us. We can stand on our "laurels" and say that he should love us for exactly how we are and leave ourselves looking like walking laundry hampers... OR we can take a little time to appeal to them the way we used to when we wanted to win their hearts also. We are at war. It's not enough to simply stand for what's right... we have to fight back. If that means taking a few extra minutes to put on a cute outfit, brush our hair or put on a couple of squirts of the perfume that drives him crazy... then why not? Bare minimum: it will please him that we thought enough of him to take the time to do these things. It will make him feel treasured and cared-for. Let's face it, the world can't compete with that! Blessings to you all!

 
At July 25, 2011 at 7:47 PM , Blogger Ann said...

I get to dress up for my Hubby in the morning. Since he works second shift and comes home at 2 am, I am always in my PJ's when he arrives! LOL so I make sure (mostly) that I am put together when I wake him up in the morning. It is easier in a way because I am not exhausted by the day yet.
Ann

 
At July 25, 2011 at 9:35 PM , Blogger Tab said...

I have been doing this for quite some time now and when I DON'T get dressed my husband thinks I'm not feeling well. I always make sure when I get up in the morning to fix my hair, get dressed, a little make up, and make my bed. It's routine for me now. It is hard some days though especially when I'm not going any where but I still get dressed! You feel better too! :-)

 
At July 25, 2011 at 10:31 PM , Blogger One Happy Mommy said...

Thank you so much! I struggle with this. I am terrible about looking like I just rolled out of bed.I usually wear big shirts and frumpy looking pants. My husband deserves better. I will definitely be trying harder. I am convicted, especially since many days I don't get the children looking decent either. He comes home to find me in pajamas and the kids sometimes only in diapers. I am looking forward to this.

 
At July 25, 2011 at 11:43 PM , Anonymous Rhoda said...

-love the post! Thanks for the reminder..... I think if more wives would honor their husbands and 'impress' them, many husbands wouldn't get caught off gaurd when out in the world! my worst thing is that I pull my hair into a poneytail around the house, to keep it out of my way and keep me cool in the summer.... I know he likes it down..... maybe I should schedule a haircut for some more layers (which he likes) - that way it isn't so easy to put in a poneytail! Thanks for the great post!

 
At July 26, 2011 at 8:56 AM , Anonymous Brandi said...

I am not a stay-at-home mama* but I did let myself go by not doing anything with my long hair EVER other than putting it up in a ponytail. The solution? I cut my hair short so I have to spend 10 minutes making it look nice in the morning for my husband! :)



*(yet! if you think of it please say a prayer that my husband finds a job!!! we need it desperately!! thank you!)

 
At July 26, 2011 at 10:01 AM , Anonymous Edjumpoff said...

I feel this is why some men stray from their wives, not that it is OK. For me I have to do my hair and make up first thing in the morning. While I like to look nice for my husband, I feel good. I remember my husband talking about a friend of mine and how plain she always looked and saying "Not you, you look good no matter what you are doing." Which included hauling wood, splitting and stacking it. I am also aware of my physical appearance, I watch what I eat and exercise on a regular basis. I do not think just because I have three kids and am 47 that I have to look like it. I might add I feel better and I am in good health, thank you Jesus.

These things did not just come, they were a concise decision and not easy to adjust to. Some days I have to really push my self to do what I need to do, but it is always worth.

Peace, <><

 
At July 26, 2011 at 11:47 AM , Blogger Farmer's Wyfe said...

This is so great!! Thank you for the much-needed reminder. I'm your newest follower. I love the way you write! :)

 
At July 28, 2011 at 8:33 AM , Blogger The-Screaming-Vikings said...

I just, for me anyhow, think it really can't be an issues. We have two children and I'm currently pregnant with our third. I don't mind 'looking' like a mom...I AM one! :) My husband and I understand we're not 17 anymore. We don't have to look like we did when we had unlimited free time and expendable income. Moms need to give themselves a break....if you have kids and especially if you stay at home with them, then stop worrying about the fact that you spent the day in yoga pants. Are your children cared for? Is your home cared for? Sometimes those are the only things I can accomplish in a day! :) Mommyhood can be rough when you're in the thick of little ones all day long, but really, its such and incredibly short season in the scheme of things.

 
At July 30, 2011 at 1:26 PM , Blogger Nick Ashley Reagan Coen & Ike said...

I just found you and LOVE this topic! It's such a great reminder! I'm pregnant too, with my 4th and struggle with pregnancy induced cystic acne. I don't know if that's what you have, but if you do... have you tried Melaleuca oil? I just discovered it and it makes them disappear. I used to have to go to the dermatologist all the time to get shots, and now I just use the oil several times a day. Way less expensive and time consuming. Anyway, maybe this will help someone. Thanks for helping us all get out of our ruts!

 
At August 2, 2011 at 8:42 AM , Blogger Owner of Homeschool Faith and Family Life Website said...

Excellent post! I relate quite well to the "bangs" story as I too, "got rid" of my own bangs because of my husband's preference for me without them...he says he can "see more of my face" this way:) When I married, my mother taught me, as her mother had taught her...to take some time each day, before my husband comes home, to "freshen up"...wash my face and don a little make-up, perhaps...change my shirt or outfit if needed from working all day, and most importantly, set the day's stresses aside and SMILE...she said, "No man wants to come home to a frump". I have tried to live by this WISE advice and I think it has served our marriage very well!

 
At August 3, 2011 at 9:56 PM , Anonymous Anjanette said...

I'm glad you mentioned that "every husband wants their wife to dress a certain way." It happens that my husband doesn't like when I do my hair, or wear makeup or perfume. It has driven me crazy for years that I don't know how to please him with my appearance (any more than I can by doing nothing). His biggest preference? He wants me to be strong and thin. I think the Lord knew I'd need a husband like him to make me do the hard work of staying healthy rather than dressing up (which comes easier for me).

 
At August 4, 2011 at 8:24 AM , Blogger Alison said...

Growing up, I didn't have a Godly mentor so I dressed for men. After I married my husband, I didn't know how to dress for him without attracting other men so I went through a sloppy phase to cover up, and I gained weight. I decided I'd just be comfortable in any old thing and not worry about how I looked. What I soon realized is how looking sloppy isn't comfortable and actually made my life sloppy! Little things started to snowball and I was giving up on more than my appearance. I decided to put in a little effort each day and started feeling great. After our third baby arrived, I backslid a bit but pulled it together. Now I feel I have more energy, and a great attitude, to care for my kids and my husband. Thanks to encouragement I've received over the past few years, my daughter knows it's not about looking good for the world, but to glorify Him!

 
At August 5, 2011 at 6:48 AM , Anonymous Jill Mary said...

So true! Especially this part : ' Do the desires of your husband determine to any degree the clothes you wear, the jewelery you put on, the amount of makeup that is on your face?'.

The Bible does say that a married woman is 'concerned with how she may please her husband'! Excellent. My husband loves it when I look nice. He even loves my skirts now that they are not, shall we say, 'frumpy'.

 
At August 6, 2011 at 6:40 PM , Anonymous Megan Collins said...

Caroline, I found your blog a few weeks ago and I love it! So uplifting, and you have such a refreshingly honest and sweet spirit.

I have a question. You mentioned that you struggle with acne during pregnancy. I'm wondering what facial products you use? I, too, struggle with acne during pregnancy and have a hard time finding products that work yet are safe for the baby.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

God bless,
Megan

 
At August 18, 2011 at 8:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

And yet, there will be some women who will do the little extra--or a lot extra and their husbands will not notice a thing. I own that model. On the other hand, he thinks I'm most beautiful when I've been working hard at something or doing a project with him. If I laugh he tells me I have a beautiful smile. Not to be the dissenting voice, but beauty is not defined at coiffed and made up at our house. I do try to clean up so I'm not icky if I've been deep into cleaning or whatever when he comes home.

 
At March 12, 2012 at 1:59 AM , Blogger Mrs. Lainez said...

amen

 

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